Stay Alive

I Keep Searching/Trying Eventho I Know The Answer Would Hurt Me Even More, So….

Hi, it’s me. I died, three years ago.

Somebody has told me that I’m a fool, and still, I’m a fool.

I don’t even know my values. I‘m a nice person actually, who’s always kind to others, and took every chance to define the right person — ASAP. IMPATIENT is my middle name, and yes, still I couldn’t wait for longer. But somehow I forget to treat myself well.

Why am I this sick?

Someone just texted me and offered his “time” for me, and that’s not because I need him. He needs me, he needs someone to fill his loneliness. And poorly, I said yes — most of the time.

Am I miserable?

I’m not sick, I’m just a wounded little girl who needs to heal, and everything takes time. If I could wait longer, sure I’d recover as well. And the answer yet, God has shown me to be patient.

Every problem I’ve met was because I’m rushing everything. But… What if it’s a God’s plan? He gave me the strength to avoid the wrong people, the wrong paths, the wrong decisions. He gave me the strength to “say no” to the wrong people who only wanted my body — who didn’t even see my values, except… that I am a woman with a vagina, so He saved me even at first.

The fact that I am still searching for a man — actively — and always found the wrong person — which hurts me — means the answer is to stop. To be careful. To be aware of my needs.

It’s more than the answer I’m looking for. I need to focus on myself, and my dreams.

I might fail in so many aspects: love life, work life, as a kid I failed, as a woman I failed, in so many aspects I haven’t achieved any of them — my dreams — yet.

But wait… What if I’m more than the way I value myself?

I mean, look what I have! Look what you have, Mel!

You just need to be patient and be grateful for what you have, cause you have so many things, hey! Your parents, your cats, your besties, your friends, your job which can fill your personal needs, your God, your life. YOU’RE STILL ALIVE, MEL!

YOU’RE NOT DIE!

You might fall, but, you still have a chance to wake up and lighten your days again! And, all of this is a process, you should pass — you are able to pass it.

You’re still alive after 3 years of broken. And look at yourself!

You become a better person. You could see things better, and you deserved good things towards you.

Please, stay alive.