The next story of He’s Typing.
I overthink many things. For me — or my ex said — I made simple things into complicated ones, and now I think I knew why.
My emotions still lead my life — the way I behave. And I always convince myself that I’m ok and that it’s normal to react that way. But I think everything might be worst if… maybe… I don’t change.
Trying to figure out problems by problems, and still, I found no answer.
The last time we met was so intense. I feel loved. He cares for me (at least from my perspective), he held my hand while we were crossing the road, we talked much and deeply, and we shared emotions and feelings.
The universe allows us to enjoy the time of togetherness, romanticizes us with a rainbow around us, and gives us a chance to move closer to each other, skin-to-skin over our cold bodies.
It gave me hope. To be more than just a dream in the morning. I want more. I need more.
As I remember, he’s sweet and warm. And I think we could move to the next stage that involved us in a romantic relationship. Fact is… I’m the one who wanted that relationship.
I’m sick and I am aware. It’s so easy for me to fall and give someone anything they want from me — my body and mind. Considering how I feel about them and what I think about their feelings toward me. Hundred percent misconception.
I asked him, and he didn’t feel the same way.
And I give myself time to focus on how blue is my feelings, and how the darkness comes in the night. Trying to accept his decision and move on. I’m dumb, yes, I am.
After a night full of honesty, my eyes opened and could see things very well: waiting will never be an answer.
So, I guess, leaving is the best way to accept the fact that we’re not born to be together — at least for now — and I need to move on. And I made a simple step by… trying to make myself better.
I guess everything works better than a plan, cause I never really have a plan about anything. I could say now I’m better with loneliness. I could be friends with it, and I could embrace myself better.
I also could see my dreams and willingness to get the dreams is such a good sign. Sign to focus on my dreams. Just the dreams. Not even taking a step backward. Focus on the future only.
Now I’m in the step of writing the new path. Taking back the pieces of me that are scattered on the floor, put them in my memory’s drawer, with the title: pieces of me — to be repaired very soon.
Walking slowly without judgment and harsh myself, seeing through a line in front of me, taking a deep breath, and feeling the amazing universe…
It might be hard and challenging. But I’m myself. I do need to care for myself. The path, I wish will bring me to another life, a new me, to the new home called: myself.